Friday, 30 July 2010

Perfect Party or Brutal Beating?!

I was chatting to a work colleague when I got home last night, and we got onto recipes, diet and the sort. I realised it takes a lot of time, effort and money to be in this good shape - round is a great shape! I wooould diet and exercise, but I'm lazy and I like food. To which, she replied: "Oh ditto, food is a bloody big downfall!"

Having been bored senseless with the gym once the trainers stopped pushing me (and being unable to afford £35 a month to run on the spot), I've been looking for something a little more interesting - and it's finally made it to my town. And better yet, they're having an introductory evening!

Yes, I confess - I've always wanted to go poledancing. Whilst I'm not your average sort of character for this kind of thing, I've always fancied giving it a go and think I've got what it takes, with my ability to suck it up and go for it when there's a silly game required at work and everyone else is protesting loudly at how embarrassing it's going to be singing "Old
MacDonald Had A Farm" complete with noises and actions. Look at it this way, it's an interesting skill, it's good exercise and great fun. Will look fabulous on my CV too, doncha think Nan? Hehehehehe...

Not only that, but they're having a party with free dance sessions (burlesque too), goodie bags, complimentary drinks and nibbles, a raffle and a prize draw to win your very own pole. Sounds good to me!

* - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * -

So yeah, I went, and now I'm back - it's 10pm. Having just read it, you'll know the advert said games, demonstrations, drinks and nibbles. Well, there was one game, the "demonstrations" were 2x 45 minute WORKOUTS for everyone, I had two glasses of lemonade and there were no nibbles in sight anywhere! But I'm still going to go back. It was awesome fun, frustrating and all. Yes, I've signed up for more punishment, though I have come home with aches, pains, and bruises you wouldn't believe. I didn't expect to get so bashed around - or bash myself so much rather... I have burns, bruises, blisters and scrapes!

Lesson learned: Poledancing really hurts. I have a whole lot of respect for the professionals. You'll have to excuse me - I was expecting food at this "party", so I'm going to haul my ass towards some food and then sleep until I have to go to work tomorrow.

Wednesday, 28 July 2010

Things That Go Wrong...

So far we've had nothing go wrong with my new bathroom - shown is the trim B&Q tiles we chose to go with the white suite, grey tiles and slate floor. Mind you, there's not much TO go wrong with the bathroom - it's been perfectly empty for days! I have a brand new toilet waiting in the spare bedroom, and my bedroom is back where it should be, though we still have airing cupboard contents all over the place whilst we await the sparkie and the plumber shifting the shower unit in a couple of days.

Oh, and we had the builders in a blazing row this morning, as the kitchen units were being brought in. One of the geniuses that designed it managed to screw up the measurements and now the units won't fit in! Thankfully the company do a slim version of one of the units which happens to fit perfectly in the space we're left - and I have a lovely new hob and oven in place. The hob is shiney, pretty and superglossy (when it's not covered in plaster and breezeblock dust). They even managed to deliver the right sized bit of worktop for the breakfast bar - soon I'll have a seat of my own there, and it'll be all "cathedra mea, regulae meae". I'd say it for the kitchen, but I have to share it. I found a handy little quote too, to bear in mind when things go to-pot. Thanks Mr Schuly!

But my goodness. Things do go much more wrong for some people don't they?

I was reading about the case of two muggers back in '94, having stopped a man in the street and threatened him with two large pocketknives for his money. The victim blinked in surprise: "Are you insane?" They demanded the money again and threatened to cut him. So he promptly broke their arms in multiple places, sat them in the kerb with their knives and calmly waited for the police to come. The man they picked has a 1st degree in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, an 8th Degree Grandmaster in Tae Kwon Do, 9th in Jeet Kune Do under Bruce Lee and Lee’s best student, Dan Inosanto, a 10th degree in Shito Ryu Karate, 10th in Tang Soo Do, and an 11th degree in Chun Kuk Do - an art developed in his own dojo.

The police were unable to handcuff the men as their arms were so badly damaged with bones protruding from the flesh - and promptly fell about laughing. "Did you not know who he was?!"

When questioned, one mugger replied, “Yeah, we knew who he was but we figured all that crap on TV was fake! Lesson learned: Don't mug Chuck Norris.

Today's Quote: "I like the way that sparks when I plug it in. Really makes me feel safe..." Said with ironic tones -HL.

Sunday, 25 July 2010

Not-So-Tiny Tezza

I thought I'd update you good folks with a new pic of Mr Tackety-Toes himself. He's a sturdy 21.2g now and eatin' like a trooper. He's discovered a love of butterworms and waxworms, and still likes to wipe Alan Repashy's mango mix all over me. :)

This photo was taken with a Motorola V3X mobile. Imagine what I could do with a REAL camera!

He's hand-tame and strokable now, with a proper little character and a squeaky little voice that tells me off with a stern "PRAWR!" or makes little chirpy-beepy noises when he falls off things and bounces around in his tank occasionally. He's only recently started "talking", but my partner had to laugh when Terry told me off last time -it's a really indignant little sound!

He's been a right buggerlugs lately - I've been attempting to teach him how to hand-feed the same as my dragons and axolotls. And it hasn't been going too well. We started off too timid to take it out of my hand, so I'd catch his attention and place it in front of him, where he'd happily savage it.

Now however, Terry's certainly throwing himself into it with vigour - though somewhat... literally. He makes great leaping diving bites at the waxworm in my fingers and has twice failed to accurately snatch the bug - biting ME instead! Much to my amusement I had a rather hungry reptile latched on to the end of my index finger trying to terrier-shake me to death. Thankfully he's only got the wee-est teeth (even the axolotls are more formidable). It's his claws that are the most prickly!

Lately though, he especially likes finding different ways to STARE at me until I pay attention. You know that feeling when you just know someone's looking at you? Terry's got it down to an art, the creepy ratbag!

I find him glaring under leaves, hanging upside down on the wall, peering round the corner of a plant, dangling from the vine, wriggled like this between two sturdy palm leaves - but always so his head is at the same point to see through the little sliver of glass next to my sofa. Right next to my head. Right in my face.

It creases me up every time.

Terry peed on my foot yesterday too and then ran right up and got stuck in my hair.

It doesn't help that he's a bouncy little sod too - with an impressive leap of easily 6x his own body length and a distinct "splat" sound on landing, he's got very good at jumping around on leaves, vines and hands - though he WILL try to bounce at people's faces. I am trying to train him out of being a facehugger though, but with little success so far. That's the trouble with being a sticky-toed wee git - he's discovered there's not much you can't grab if you put your mind to it.

In fact, I'd go so far as to say he's a lovable pain-in-the-neck little crap-packet. Don't you think, Bogle?

Quote of the day: "Your mumma, she is the inventor of crap packet." - My mumma. Try it, it's a great insult!

Wednesday, 21 July 2010

Beautiful Birds

Sorry, no, this isn't an article on totty. You'll have to try a different site for that. Terry is 18.3g, just as a speedy update.

Now, everyone who knows me knows I'm not that keen on birds in general - but that's mostly due to Jeanie, the budgie my mother acquired from a cousin of mine. Oh, I apologise, there's a typo there; I put budgie instead of CRAZYBITCHBIRDFROMHELL! Even Himself thinks she's a crazy damn bugger-igar.

However, these guys really make it up in my opinion, with their funky feathers and snazzy moves (especially the one with his Dalek-style chasing).

These guys from Papua New Guinea ramp it up a notch:

And this guy wins hands down for his sheer insanity-dance in his funky yellow trance dance pants.

Sunday, 18 July 2010

Another Article!

"Congratulations! Your entry (Faerie Care!) has been selected to appear in the Neopian Times. A shiny trophy has been added to your user lookup. Thank you for contributing to the Neopian Times!"

That's the second one of mine published and I've had some fan mail from Faerie Care - I think I'll have to get cracking on Faerie Care II, as everyone wants to know why I've hinted there may be more than one space faerie. My answer? Just because we occasionally see a space faerie, it doesn't mean there's just one! See my works released so far on this page HERE.

Tuesday, 13 July 2010

House of Pain (in the ass.)

So - we've been ripping out the kitchen. We're destroying the bathroom. We're rapidly running out of rooms to put stuff in, as the electrician wants to take up half of the upstairs floorboards. Boy this is fun!

All the shifting around, tearing up and pulling down is also revealing further "errors" produced by the nice men (AKA Cowboys) that built the extension and worked on the house in general - to a rather spectacular extent...

The list of fails found (and mostly fixed) so far includes:

Leaking flatroof on extension
Spaghetti cables for telephone wires
Carpet in the bathroom - mmm, rotting!
Extractor fan feeding into cavity insulation
Wrong valve type on garden tap
Kitchen concrete floor: carpet stuck in it!
Constant boiler overflow due to failed valve
"Great" wallpaper all over: upside down, overlaps, gaps, creases, and rips...
A random extra windowsill!
Double layer of tiles in bathroom
Incredible black mould in most rooms
Damp problems from leaking boiler
Spaghetti style water pipes in kitchen
Backwards aerial cables throughout house
3 pullswitches: no pulls. Just yanked out.
Gatepost fell off in high winds last winter

We STILL can't work out what the deal is with the pipes for garden tap (Valves?)
Random lightswitches: "Very f*kn random"
Livingroom carpet: big bald SEAM in middle
Burnt 250V cable was sparking/smoking
So they cellotaped it and plastered over it
Concrete facings outside crumbling
Fascias rotted through and falling off
Rat in the attic, climbed through fascia
Ariel fixing rotted and aerial dropped off
Extension main power ring done backwards and needs to be completely redone
Odd air vents left from old heating system
It's TRIPLE tiling in the bathroom.
Himself not happy.

I could cry sometimes. But it would only contribute to the existing damp and mould problems.

Quote of the Day: "You'd only be bored if we had a normal house." - His Lordship. Too true, too true. The sheer amount of fail is very funny though!

Thursday, 8 July 2010

Sorry for the minor delay...

I am still here. We're having technical difficulties temporarily - blog incoming with further details. In the meantime, enjoy The Gifford Children's Choir's version of "Still Alive".

Monday, 5 July 2010

Mmmmm, chocolatey.

I blinked, and another week screamed past... How DOES that happen? Thank goodness for warm chocolate walnut brownies and cream - soft and squidgy, near liquid in smoothness, chewy walnuts and all with a crisp, sugary shell like a Smartie. Absolute heaven with a touch of cream - YUMMY! Combined with the original Willy Wonka movie and you have the perfect combination.

As much as I enjoyed the bizarre Burton/Depp, Wilder is better. The reactions of the actors in some scenes really are spontaneous; for example, when the children first enter the main factory and see the gardens, their reactions are real, it was their first view of that glorious set. The set itself is amazing because a large number of the objects and plants in the main factory were genuinely edible, including the giant lollipops - but in the scene where Willy Wonka drinks from the flower-shaped cup and then eats it, the cup itself was made of wax. Poor Gene Wilder had to stay and chew the wax pieces until the end of the take, at which point he spat them out. Further cool info available on IMDB.

I'm all greasy - I've been feeding the dragons both a special mix to help their tummies, as they have been forgetting to drink enough water again and poor Tsammy is constipated. The blended fruit, vegetables, calcium, vitamin D, water and olive oil should do the trick, and a little mango powder for flavouring. Yum yum yum!

PS - how cool is that keyboard? --->

My friend Langmesser said something quite profound (for him) today: "You only get one life, no replay."

I couldn't help myself. I had to comment. "Unless you play Dungeons and Dragons, then you get no life, but as many rerolls as you like. (Although if you ask Silent Bob, he'll tell you that pressing Y, A and Left Trigger simultaneously on Xbox D&D is the cheat code for extra lives. But there's extreme nerdishness for you)."