Saturday, 6 November 2010

Facing up to Fashion

So I'm 6 foot tall. I'm 14 stone, a sturdy 16, undyed brunette (though occasionally with flashes of red or purple added) living with my partner in our own house for three years. I'm happy. But according to the TV and media in general - I'm not beautiful. (Pic is NOT me. Read on.)

So, I want to know, why I should have to wear makeup just to "conform to standards"?

I've tried it. I find that muddy foundation isn't "essential" and sticky, slimy lipgloss certainly isn't a "must have" in my books. I tried eyelash extensions once, finding them fiddly and unmanagable - completely impractical for specs too. It made me think of a moth stuck in a glass lampshade. False nails are similarly impractical - they don't mix well with reptiles or any kind of manual work. So I've kept clear of these things that ruin my skin condition and, funnily enough, it hasn't killed me off yet. I mean, really? People think THIS looks GOOD?! (Thanks EpicLosers)

As to being unfashionably brown haired, going blonde looks awful on me; having pale skin and "the wrong shape face" (round, even when I'm not particularly chubby), it makes me look like I've been put on too high a heat wash and all my colour's run out.

I'm six foot tall dammit, when I finally get a weekend off I don't want to be rushing around makeup shops in high heels or going to the gym to sweat my ass off. I want to have a rest at last and get caught up on the ironing! After all, I already dwarf 70% of men and stand to intimidate them in 4" heels and, as a bigger girl, I look ridiculous in miniskirts. It's just not a good look.

Is it me, or have I not received the women's guide book? After all, what the hell is a Tri-Enzyme Resurfacing Pro-Collagen Quartz Facial? I certainly missed that chapter...

Yet thanks to national media, I feel crap about myself. Why the hell should that be, and why should I spend a fortune to "come up to standard" or spend forever justifying myself?

On the other hand, if you've got any tips for an overworked, round faced, chestnut brunette with glasses, grey eyes, a fine chest and long legs, that DON'T involve spending a goddamn fortune or half killing myself - I'd love to know.

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